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 As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
| Woody Allen | 
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. | Woody Allen |
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. | Woody Allen |
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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue. | Woody Allen |
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Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. | Woody Allen |
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Eighty percent of success is showing up. | Woody Allen |
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. | Woody Allen |
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Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there. | Woody Allen |
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He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian. | Woody Allen |
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His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. | Woody Allen |
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I am at two with nature. | Woody Allen |
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I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. | Woody Allen |
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I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. | Woody Allen |
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I am two with nature. | Woody Allen |
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I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. | Woody Allen |
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