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 I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
| Woody Allen | 
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If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. | Woody Allen |
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If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right. | Woody Allen |
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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. | Woody Allen |
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. | Woody Allen |
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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. | Woody Allen |
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If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. | Woody Allen |
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. | Woody Allen |
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I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. | Woody Allen |
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I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. | Woody Allen |
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. | Woody Allen |
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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. | Woody Allen |
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. | Woody Allen |
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. | Woody Allen |
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. | Woody Allen |
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