| Quote | Author | Send |
 I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
| Woody Allen | 
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. | Woody Allen |
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I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her. | Woody Allen |
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I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. | Woody Allen |
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. | Woody Allen |
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height. | Woody Allen |
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I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. | Woody Allen |
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I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys. | Woody Allen |
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I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle! | Woody Allen |
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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. | Woody Allen |
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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. | Woody Allen |
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I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. | Woody Allen |
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I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.' | Woody Allen |
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I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. | Woody Allen |
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. | Woody Allen |
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