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 Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
| Steven Wright | 
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Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. | Steven Wright |
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I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. | Steven Wright |
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. | Steven Wright |
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I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. | Steven Wright |
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I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. | Steven Wright |
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It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. | Steven Wright |
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. | Steven Wright |
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. | Steven Wright |
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. | Steven Wright |
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. | Steven Wright |
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There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. | Steven Wright |
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What's another word for Thesaurus? | Steven Wright |
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' | Steven Wright |
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You can't have everything. Where would you put it? | Steven Wright |
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